How many times we find ourselves in unwanted situations that unfortunately have become way too familiar? A fight? A struggle? How many times have we complained about our spouse? Our boss or colleagues? And the more with complain the more we seem to be drowning in the drama of it all. We just keep reaffirming the negative situation in our heads and blowing it out of proportion and then we blame. We blame the whole world for our misery and we get upset with those people who don't seem to understand our struggle.
Truth is, there is no real ‘situation’ to complain about. It’s just a story we have been telling ourselves all along. Nobody is causing us misery, we are just our own victim. We can spend our lives blaming others or looking outside for a solution but we would just be wasting time because that way we will never find happiness.
Take people that don't believe in themselves for example. They have the tendency to self indulge in their victim status and subconsciously attract situations that get worse in order to reaffirm their story. They choose to stay miserable. We are the ones placing the obstacles, making up excuses and ultimately preventing ourselves to live life at its fullest.
Harsh? No, not really. We need to understand that we are all the same and we are free to make choices that can improve or make our situation worse. We are to be blamed when poor choices are made.
The moment we realize that it is all down to ourselves, we can start taking responsibility and make better choices that will lead our lives in the direction we want it to go as opposed to just float around and get pushed along the way.
We can choose to be happy instead of depressed. We can choose to walk away from an argument and say no to people who provoke us or try to make us feel bad. We can chose to be brave instead of being scared and anxious, we can choose to be confident, outspoken, at peace.
There is always a moment in every situation when we have to make a decision on how we are going to act, or react. Majority of people don’t think of that and react out of habit. Let’s say your spouse is trying to argue with you; you don’t have to be sucked in the argument. Smile and politely decline to be part of it. You are in the car and someone is honking or yelling at you? Smile and let it go instead of yelling back.
You wake up one morning feeling tired, depressed or angry? You can chose to stay like that or else do whatever you can to help you snap out of it and enjoy your day as it should be.
There are so many ways one can do that. Some choose to meditate, others go for a run, listen to music, read a book… whatever it is that works, it’s there to be used anytime we need that push.
We cannot leave the outside world affect us. You have the power to choose how to interact with it and influence the outcome. We can control what goes in a what goes out.
If everyone around you choose to keep indulging in their drama let them, now you know that you don't have to be part of it.
Making the right decision is not always that easy of course, we will often be tempted to react the same way we always have, but the more we practice, the more we become aware of our thoughts and master our reactions. Eventually we will be able to make only choices that are good for us
Your thoughts are powerful, use them. Focus on the result you want to achieve. If you are in an uncomfortable situation, pause for a moment and imagine how you would want the situation to be instead and embrace that feeling. Then go ahead and act from that new state of being and reject the negativity around you. Say no thank you.
‘It is said that one day the Buddha was walking through a village. A very angry and rude young man came up and began insulting him, saying all kind of rude words.
The Buddha was not upset by these insults. Instead he asked the young man, “Tell me, if you buy a gift for someone, and that person does not take it, to whom does the gift belong?”
The young man was surprised to be asked such a strange question and answered, “It would belong to me, because I bought the gift.”
The Buddha smiled and said, “That is correct. And it is exactly the same with your anger. If you become angry with me and I do not get insulted, then the anger falls back on you. You are then the only one who becomes unhappy, not me. All you have done is hurt yourself.”