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Love, always

I have always considered myself a romantic at heart and thought of love stories as beautiful fairytales, the happy ever after kind. After all, growing up, I did spend infinite hours watching Disney’s princesses walking down the aisle with their handsome prince. Too bad nobody ever showed us what happened next. I guess I never really thought about it, I was just too busy with what seemed an impossible quest. I would find a guy I liked, things would be great for a while and then I would start trying to mold him and the relationship into my idea of what it should have been like. Needless to say , it never worked.

Until prince charming actually did show up; the real deal, the one I didn’t need to change after all

And so the princess and the prince walked down the aisle, moved to their castle and had kids.

But then what??

Good question - I had no clue.

I figured it would all be okay if I just let it flow… The only problem with that philosophy was that eventually, just like a boat left to itself in the ocean, the relationship seemed to have headed towards stormy waters.

Prince charming started to show resemblance to a toad that spoke some alien language and the beautiful princess was now flying around on a broomstick!

But how? How something so perfect could possibly ever go wrong?

Can people and situations really change that much or is it our perception of the other person that makes us see them in a new light?

For a while I didn't have an answer for that either.

Until one day, when it finally all came together

It happened one morning after a random argument with my husband.We both said our (nasty) piece, and then he left for work and I went for a drive. I put on some music and tried to let go of the anger boiling up inside me. But the more I thought about our fight the more upset I got. Until something interrupted me. Our song was playing! It was like someone jut threw a bucket of cold water to my face. I found myself suddenly smiling and thinking of the day my husband and I first met. As the song went on I let it transporting me back in time until I was so completely immerse in the whole experience that it all felt more than just a memory, it was a feeling. I was reliving those magic days and all the great times we have ever shared together since. I felt it all, the excitement, the joy the love.I felt like that same girl head over heels for this beautiful man. And that’s when it hit me. My brain associated that song with the concept of being in love and brought back all the memories and feelings to support that idea. All I had to do was to allow it to happen.

That’s really what romantic love is: a concept. And like any other concept or idea, it starts and ends in our head. Our thoughts to be more precise.

It was all happening in my mind, always is. My thoughts alone have the power to control my emotions and I am the one controlling my thoughts and therefore falling in or out of love.

With that in mind, it’s easy to see how it all goes back to be a matter of choices.

We have to choose if we want to stay in love or fall out of love. Whatever we set our mind on will dictate the course of events that will follow and the direction the relationship will take.

If we start to focus on the negativity, on the arguments or the faults, your mind will be able to offer you plenty of memories that will support your argument. Your mind can make you relive all those difficult times and hate can spread around quickly like poison. You can literally bring yourself to despise someone in a matter of seconds.

Or you can chose to remember the good times. Remember why you fell in love with the other person in the first place, why you are with them and how happy you can be together… if you choose to!

So romantic love really is what we make of it. We all create our relationships based on our own definition of love. The more positive memories and experiences with associate with love, the happier and healthier our relationship will be. The more time we spend on negative experiences the more we will reaffirm the belief that love it’s hard and means tears and struggle.

Well, I knew what I wanted for myself so that morning I texted my husband, apologize for my erratic behavior earlier that day and asked him to book us a table for dinner.

Of course as I sat across from him that evening looking at the man in the eyes and having great fun I knew I had made the right choice. Best of all I knew that from now on I would have been able to make that choice daily.

No matter how hard it can be sometimes (nobody is perfect, there will always be time when the other person pushes our buttons and we want to scream at them) we can still chose to stay in love.

And please, don't ever forget to have fun!

We all need to be more like kids and less like people that have given up on life! Remember how much fun the relationship was at the beginning? How spontaneous and care free our approach to life was? How good we felt about ourselves? Lovers with the world as our playground. Well, that playground is still there, and so are those lovers… just buried under a pile of heavy thoughts, big words and excuses such as kids, commitments, responsibilities.

Please! None of these has anything to do with being happy in love. We just need to be able to remember and allow it to come back to us. Once again… it’s a matter of choice!

Be smart, be happy, choose Love!

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