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The long way Home


For years, growing up, I asked myself if there was something wrong with me. No matter where I was or who I was with I never quite fitted in. Despite looking like a stereotypical popular kid on the outside, reality was that, deep down, I always just felt a like a mare character in a movie. The constant acting meant no time to truly be myself, until I forgot completely the meaning of it.

Instead I learnt to coexist with this sense of inadequacy everywhere I went.

At home with my family, as school with my peers - Simply lonely amongst the crowd.

But what happened when you refuse to be true to your nature? Your body and mind start to rebel.

And I guess that’s when my survival instinct kicked in and without been fully aware of what was actually going on, I followed that pull towards the unknown.

My quest took my to different countries, had me experiencing different cultures, languages, jobs, boyfriends and friend circles.

Along the way I became aware of how most people spend their adult years focusing on their careers, on their ambitions. I was spending mine looking for my true self and place I could call home.

Even as I met my husband and we started building a family of our own, giving me finally a sense of belonging, the acting was still in place. Only this time I had new roles to identify with being a new mother and a wife. My ‘friend’ circles started to reflect that and despite my days being filled the hole inside started to resurface. Because after all, there was still no real me.

As I mentioned in a previous post, Solitude was my answer. It was through spending a good amount of time by myself with no other distractions that I finally started to understand who I was. And with that understanding, came the clarity behind the need for my quest. People always joked that I was crazy, now I knew that they were the crazy ones. I was awake, aware, while they continued to sleep their life away.

Old acquaintances faded away naturally, my marriage became stronger thanks to its authenticity and wonderful people started to appear in my life without me even looking for them.

Like little gifts, one after the other they just turned up. Amazing souls with the power to brighten my day and warm my heart. Amazing people that give me hope for a brighter future. A future where people wake up and are not afraid to be their true self. To be authentic in the face all the fakeness we live in. A future where fear is not the ruling factor. Where fear of failure, of not being good, smart, or good-looking enough will become a distance memory. A future where we are all awaken and aware of our infinite potential.

Together we get frustrated, we worry for the future of humanity, of Earth. Sometimes we still feel like we have been dropped on a foreign planet where people speak a different language. But then we remember that we are not alone. That there is a reason why we are here. Others need us in their quests. And together we stay strong. Together we have the power to change. We ARE the change.

We are a tribe.


Are you still sleeping?

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