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The power of Solitude

Solitute - a concept that was so foreign to me until couple of years ago. The thought of being alone scared me to the point that I would rather spend time with people I couldn’t stand that to deal with the silence.

I needed a constant distraction. I wasn’t ready to stop and even consider the fact that I might enjoy my own company. Hell no! Not me.

But then life wouldn’t be the wonderful challenge that it is if it didn’t push you to explore those remote dark corners that you so much want to avoid.

And so an internal battle started to take place within me. The call was so loud that I couldn't ignore it and despite my internal battle I actually forced myself to leave the comfort behind. I found myself living in foreign countries for months at time and with no job, kids in school full time, and husband working, I simply had no distractions ALL DAY LONG. Nothing but me myself and I. At first I treated it as a short term experiment and I started with sitting in coffee shops with my laptop and between people watching I would write down my thoughts. The more I wrote the more I discovered parts of myself I wasn’t aware of. And so I stopped hanging out at the coffee stores so much. Instead I started to focus on things I enjoyed like going for a swim, meeting new people and finding out about their life stories, or simply chilling out on the couch with a good book. But more important I became addicted to the silence. It’s in that silence that I started to really understand myself. Not Chiara the wife, mother, friend. Just me. Chiara.

I started to crave my own company, to cherish those precious moments. Treating myself with utter love and devotion. In those alone moment I put myself and my needs first. I spoiled myself like I deserved to. I started to truly love myself then.

It’s by cutting out the noises and the distractions that I was able to become present. I started to realize how much time I used to spend trying to distract myself that I wasn’t really leaving any time to just be me.

So what I am trying to say is that taking some time out for yourself, where there are no demands, no expectations or judgment it's as important as taking time to eat or sleep. From the moment we are born we are asked to perform a role in society. We are asked to perform the role of good children for our parents, good students for our teacher, good employees, husband/wifes, mothers and fathers or pet owners. We fall into these roles without even realizing that we are doing it. People start to identify with these roles and forget that their roles do no define who they are. You are all of these things yes, but what happens when you step out of those roles for a while? When you peel the layers? Who are YOU? That’s the million dollar question that needs to be answered. And you can only figure that out by spending time getting to know yourself without all of the distractions.

Don’t ever be scared to find out who you truly are, because once you do I guarantee you you will never feel alone again. Ever.


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